I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
