Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
