He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
