Nicole vs. Life
Sober January is a disaster.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
