You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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