I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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