Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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