i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
