McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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