omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
