If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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