The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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