2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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