if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
is that a dick in a sweater?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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