Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
