Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to make a zoo with you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
