:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
