then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
