Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
