i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just cropdusted the office
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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