I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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