this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
