I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
