I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
