u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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