Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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