5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
