so explain again why im purple
no
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
