He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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