Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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