He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize