You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
