3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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