Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
