'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
