I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.