I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.