New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music