i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my being single is dangerous.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.