White coat. Heels.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.