when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
