You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
