woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
