why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
