thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
