a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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