if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
