dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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