I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
