Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
