sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
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Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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