textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize