my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This baby is an asshole
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
