My room smells like vodka and shame
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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