I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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