My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Your dad touched me again.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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