So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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