smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
