I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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