You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
