loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
