Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
