so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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