I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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