I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
