I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
