have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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