I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
