im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
