no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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