Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
