found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
