Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
