my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
