Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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