umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
