you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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