idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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