Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
